Breaking the silence
It’s been quite a while. I just haven’t been up to writing. Call it a mental block, but it is probably more like an emotional block. I have had such moments of discouragement and sadness both over my condition and the loss of my grandmother. Then on top of that, my grandfather, who is rarely ever sick, has had two heart catherizations and has been dealing with a very horrible virus or e-coli. They aren’t sure which yet.
I was not looking forward to the holidays at all and basically just went through the motions for the kids’ sake. I didn’t even want to get a tree this year or do any decorating, but the kids wanted a tree and I didn’t want them to suffer just because I was feeling like the Grinch. So, we got a tree at Home Depot in less than 10 minutes and loaded it up. Now the significance of this is that it usually takes me a good 30 minutes to pick out a tree that has no holes, etc, etc. I also usually get a regular tree, but this year opted for the frasier fir so that everything would be different. Most all of my ornaments came from my grandmother and I just couldn’t bear getting them out this year. Plus, I knew I didn’t want to have to pack everything up after Christmas. So, we had a homemade tree this year. Our friend, Cindy, and her husband kept our kids one Saturday so that Seth and I could try to get some shopping done. While we were gone, Cindy made ornaments with the kids. I always have white lights on my tree, but this year I went to Kroger and bought the big, colored bulb lights. Then we eventually added crafts from school and some decorations from Aunt Kristin. The kids thought it was the most beautiful tree they had ever seen and they thoroughly enjoyed it.
We managed to miraculously finish Christmas shopping which was difficult since I don’t get out a whole lot. I did do quite a bit online this year and that helped. I only had to run out for a little bit on Christmas Eve and finish up last minute things.
My last treatment on December 18 was fine. I had more energy this time and different side effects. My tongue was swollen and I had some mouth sores. Plus some other difficulties, but, all in all, it was better than some other times. I managed to make it to work the Friday after my treatment and all the next week which consisted of Monday through Thursday. I also got out after work on Monday to shop and on Tuesday for Munchkin’s preschool program. By Wednesday I was feeling pretty tired, but kept on going. We had Christmas parties galore at school and even made cupcakes to celebrate Aggie’s 5th birthday with her class. Then on Friday, Aggie’s birthday, we had her party with ALL the cousins (15 total) and a few friends at JumpZone. The kids all had a blast.
After making it through the birthday celebration, the Christmas rush began. We celebrated with the Wallaces on Saturday and Sunday. Well, Seth didn’t make it on Sunday because he was sick. (He is still not much better and apparently has some horrible virus that is going around.) Monday, I finished some shopping and we exchanged gifts at home. And finally, on Christmas day, Santa came! The kids were very, very excited. Lastly, we celebrated with my side of the family on Christmas day. Unfortunately, my grandfather was unable to make it to the celebration and ended up going to the ER on Christmas night.
Now, I’m just exhausted. I can’t seem to catch up on my rest yet. I was supposed to have a treatment the day after Christmas. I went in as normal and got all settled in my recliner, but my blood counts were not good and they didn’t want me to get chemo. Apparently, my platelets were too low. They prefer for them to be at least 100,000 or more and mine were 76,000. The doctor told me that I would be at risk for bleeding and needing a blood transfusion if I were to get my treatment. Plus, my white blood count was borderline. So, I packed up and came home. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to get it over with, but also glad that I didn’t have to feel crappy again yet. I go back the day after New Year’s and see how things go from there.
Since I didn’t have my treatment I was able to meet Seth’s two sisters and their kids at INK (Interactive Neighborhood for Kids) and play on Thursday. Everyone enjoyed that. I had hoped to get a lot done around the house (organizing and cleaning) the last two days, but I’ve been moving at a snail’s pace. Ended up having to take all three kids to the doctor’s today and came back with one ear infection, one sinus infection, and one congestion. Then Seth went to the doctor and found out what he has is viral. The doctor told him to stay away from me and definitely not to cough on me. So he is quarantined in the bedroom and we are all trying to stay away from him.
Guess that’s the quick version for now. I really want to write more about my emotional journey lately, but I just can’t. Maybe it will come.